Big Fat Liars
When I was a younger man, I would lie to women a lot in an effort to get laid. Usually nothing too serious, just stuff to make me sound more interesting. I remember telling a girl I lived in Prague for six months, which was complete bullshit. I’d never even been there. Honestly, I think those lies did more harm than good. I don’t remember them ever really working all that well.
Once I got a little older and had actually done some interesting things in my life, I no longer felt the need to lie to women in bars. That’s when I noticed that women were lying to me way more than I had ever lied to them.
The most common thing they lie about is their age. I consider myself reasonably relaxed about age. I’d actually rather date a woman who’s too old for me than one who’s too young. And women in their thirties are way better in the sack than girls in their twenties, anyway. You can take that to the bank. Still, unless she’s lying by more than five years, it’s hard to get too mad about it, since they all do it.
A lot of times, girls will lie about books they’ve read or movies they’ve seen, but I consider that kind of shit relatively harmless. They’re just trying to connect with you and keep the conversation going. Let those slide. It means that she likes you.
Once, I had a girl tell me that she played guitar. I got excited, because I play guitar, too. My attraction to her suddenly went way up. I thought about the two of us writing songs together and all that shit. It would be a fun add-on for a girlfriend to have. Plus, it gave me a really easy in. I just had to ask her to come over to my place and jam—and maybe even play a little guitar (yuk, yuk, yuk).
Anyway, when I got her over at my apartment, I got my guitars out and handed her one. She held it really awkwardly for a moment, then looked at me and admitted that she had no idea how to play. I was really disappointed. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I went ahead and slept with her anyway, but my heart wasn’t really in it. That was the most confusing lie a woman had ever told me. I mean, what the fuck was she thinking? When I used to lie to a girl, it wasn’t ever anything so easy to disprove.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is that while you’re young, don’t feel bad about bullshitting the ladies a little every now and then. Because pretty soon, it’ll be their turn.
[Image via Shutterstock]
I want more stuff like this!