God Bless The Tramp Stamp

I don’t know about you, but when I’m pounding away and I look down and see a lower-back tattoo in front of me, it always puts a big ol’ smile on my face. For some reason, those things always make me feel really good about what I’m doing at the moment. It doesn’t matter what it is, either. I don’t care if it’s a butterfly, a rose, a heart, a star, angel wings, a Chinese character or some tribal bullshit like what you have on your ankle. The beauty of the tramp stamp is that it doesn’t matter what it is, the simple fact that it’s there is what’s important. They’re sexy as hell and I just love ‘em.

I never seek them out, though. In fact, if I catch a glimpse of one while the girl is dancing or sitting at the bar, I usually won’t even hit on her. I’m not sure why that is. I guess it’s because I don’t normally like to go after sure things. But when I get her over to my place and get her naked I always get really excited if she has one. It feels like a weight gets lifted off my shoulders. I know right then and there that this is just about the sex and that’s all it’s ever going to be about. I know I’m not the first guy to lay eyes on it, and I’m sure as hell not going to be the last, either. Because there’s just no way I could ever get serious about a girl who gives me a target to shoot at. Sorry to be so blunt about that, ladies, but it’s true.

Women who have them often try to defend them, claiming they’re some form of self-expression or whatever, and maybe they’re even telling the truth (or at least think they are). And yeah, that tattoo is definitely making a statement. And that statement is “slut.”

Dave Chappelle has this routine where he talks about women dressing up in tight little skirts and tops showing deep cleavage and then act all offended when a guy treats them like they’re whores. He compares it to a guy walking around dressed like a cop and then not doing anything when a crime is committed. The point is that choices we make about our appearances say a lot about us. There’s just no getting around that. Now, no one says you have to live up to that statement, but if I’m wearing a cop’s uniform, I can’t get mad when people think I’m a cop. So if a girl has a tramp stamp, that doesn’t automatically make her a tramp, but it presents a pretty good argument.

So ladies, let it be known that if you want to put a little design back there above your ass, we’re going to think it means you like to have a lot sex, you’re fine with doggie-style, and a phone call the next day is not required. It might not be true, but it’s going to be hard to convince us otherwise. And by the way, if you have a tramp stamp and a pierced tongue? Well, holy shit. That’s like striking gold.